Insiders’ Guide: How to Approach An Attractive Man

An Interview With Amy Sacco

Sacco is the owner of Bungalow 8 and Lot 61 nightclubs, and Bette restaurant in New York City.

Remember that high school tactic of laughing really loudly to get the attention of a hot guy? Forget it. The real sirens of the world exude discretion, control, and a little bit of intrigue. That said, don’t take yourself too seriously—talking to a handsome man is supposed to be fun.

• __ Make eyes.__ Before I go up to any stranger, I catch his eye first. That lets you gauge his level of interest. If he looks away, give it a minute and try again later (he might just have been distracted). If he holds your stare, look him in the eye and flash a smile.

•  __ Don’t rush it.__ At this point, there’s no need to go bounding across the room. Instead, try saying “hi” under your breath, which may encourage him to approach you. If not, there’s nothing wrong with eavesdropping in his vicinity for a minute or two—when there’s a pause in conversation, lean in and say, “I couldn’t help but overhear you discussing….” Or if you’re feeling shy, wait until he’s alone and casually ask what he’s drinking. Or comment on his velvet jacket or killer shoes.

• __ Find a connection.__ To keep the conversation going, look for common ground. Maybe you have mutual friends (a good bet if you’re at a small party), like the same films, or work in similar fields. When talking, avoid hair flipping, wild hand motions, and nail biting—all come off as nervous gestures. Instead, keep your voice steady, let your fingertips linger on your clavicle or the rim of your glass, and touch his forearm occasionally.

• __ Handle distractions.__ If you’re chatting with an attractive man, chances are someone will try to hijack his attention. If another woman interrupts you two, graciously introduce yourself, but don’t go out of your way to include her in the conversation. On the other hand, if you’re pulled away by a friend unexpectedly, roll with it. You’ve made enough of an impression by now that if he’s interested, he’ll come find you later.

• __ Wrap it up.__ As long as you are both enjoying the conversation, there’s no need to set a time limit. That said, it’s better to err on the side of leaving too early rather than too late. If his eyes wander over your shoulder or he edges away from your side, it’s time to excuse yourself. Simply say, “It was so nice talking to you,” then slink off with an air of mystery.

See Also

  • Insiders’ Guide: How to Talk to Anybody

  • How to Enjoy a Blind Date

  • How to Deal With Beard Burn