Sex. We all have it (some more regularly than others), and we all have ideas of what it should be: Erotic. Sensual. Um, sexy? In general, we imagine getting down completely devoid of smells and sounds and awkward moments. But the thing is—it isn’t. Because behind closed doors, there are moments of sex that are funny, and weird, and, well, downright awkward. AND THAT’S OKAY.
Here, common and embarrassing and weird things that happen during sex—and how to shake them off. (First tip: keep going.)
Uh, what’s that noise?
Queefing. Even the word itself makes us want to laugh. Look, if you queef (when trapped air leaves your vagina and makes a noise), just take comfort in the fact that you’re doing sex right. Thrusting and changing positions can all lead to the dreaded queef, and those are two damn good things.
The wet spot.
You know the one. Afterwards, on the sheets? That you both kind of roll away from and pretend isn’t there? Yeah it’s there. It’s totally there.
Since when did sex become a sport?
Knocking boots is one thing—knocking your head is quite another. And definitely an issue. See also: bruised knees, bumped teeth, strained hammies…you get the gist.
Being on completely separate pages when it comes to switching positions…
“Oh, you meant…okay…”
It’s like the desert down there.
You’re raring to go…until you realize you’re not. We’ve all been there. Just don’t try to have sex without some type of lubrication. (Seriously, that shit hurts.)
What the hell did I just say?
It’s cool if him asking you to “talk dirty” means you can’t immediately start saying things like you’re Giada de Laurentiis saying “mozzarella.” WE CAN’T BE GOOD AT ALL THE THINGS.
Did I seriously just pee?
Yep, you can pee during sex. GOOD JOB, BODY. If you have a sensitive bladder, you may find it happens when a penis (or other sexual accoutrements…) enter your vagina. Also possible if you’re having an extremely intense orgasm. (Thanks, muscle contractions.) So what can you do about it? Pee. You know, before sex.
Ex on the brain.
We all do it! Okay?! Okay! #ItAintPersonal
Making a grocery list when he goes down on you…
It’s fine, it’s called multitasking. (But take a moment to enjoy, mkay?)
You should also check out:
I Tried All the Sex from ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ in One Weekend
The Sex Playlist for the Girl on Top
10 Sex Toys That Support the Feminist Agenda