The other day on my Facebook fan page, I posted the question: What is the one thing you fear makes you most unlovable?
I got a lot of interesting responses, and just about all of them tugged at my heartstrings. “The fact that I’m in a wheelchair,” one lovely lady wrote. Another talked about her bad temper. A man talked about his back hair. A third lady said: “I’m not attractive. I’ve accepted this but worry that no man will, because let’s be honest, a good personality can only get you so far in a world that prizes looks above all else.”
I, too, worry about most of these things — certainly about the back hair.
More seriously, I’m always worried that my looks are subpar, that my intelligence is subpar, that I’m not successful enough.
But are such things really impediments to finding love? Do I know plenty of people who are less intelligent, less successful, perhaps even less attractive than I am — all of whom have found love?
What is the difference between those people and myself?
Perhaps they’re more comfortable and more used to living with another person, whereas I need a lot of alone time.
Perhaps they don’t have the same metaphysical worries.
Perhaps they’re more willing to accept themselves and their lot in life — their talents and handicaps, what they can and can’t do — while I’m often fighting to change myself. I do see it all as one big self-betterment project … but … I think it can sometimes be uncomfortable to meet a person who is always interested in her next iteration. Most people don’t like to change, or to even think about it. To question how they might improve is to question what might be wrong with them, which is painful for a lot of people.
Also, less self-congratulatorily, a constant desire to improve might connote a lack of satisfaction with one’s self, which is not necessarily attractive.
Anyway. Lovelies, what do you worry is your fatal flaw?
By the way, the thing that was interesting to me, after I posted that question, was how many people thought they had one! And there I was feeling like it was just me. Isn’t it comforting to know we’re not alone?