While we’re still refusing to admit that Beyoncé and Jay Z are on the rocks, despite Bey doing some apartment hunting, we’re worried. They seemed to have the perfect relationship. How is it that even the best relationships can end? We turned to our dating expert, Lodro Rinzler, for advice. Here, his top six reasons even the best relationships can fall apart:
You Have Different Values
Just because a couple looks good together or seem to enjoy one another’s company (perhaps on stage during a major tour) does not mean that they are on the same page behind closed doors. If one person values their work more than the relationship, or one person wants to start a family and the other does not, you are headed for a rocky road. Once you’re in a committed relationship it’s best to discuss these things early on so you can get on the same page and make sure you have shared values.
A New Form of Stress Arises
If you want to be in a relationship with someone, you have to be willing to stand beside them when things get uncomfortable (see: the Solange elevator incident). Even if a couple has been together for years and gone through several tests of their relationship – a parent dying or job loss for example – some new form of stress pops up and all of a sudden one person in the relationship isn’t sure they can stand beside the other anymore. The mark of a good relationship is standing shoulder to shoulder, especially when discomfort arises. The more you can communicate openly during these times the more likely you will make your way through the uncomfortable situation together.
You’re At Different Points in Life
Yes the relationship is great and you treat each other so so well, but that doesn’t mean you’re going through the same things. If you are at different points in life you need to communicate about that and make sure you can come to some compromises. For example, if he’s a bit older he may be wanting to get married soon, while you’re just filling out the first applications to grad school and don’t want to walk down the aisle until you’ve matriculated. If you can come to some form of compromise, great, but if not you may end up breaking up because you two want different things right now.
The Trust Has Crumbled
Lack of trust is one of the top relationship killers. If someone cheats on the other (it seems like rumors are flying around Jay Z in this regard) that can break years of trust. It is hard to come back from that sort of slap to the face. One person feels blind-sided and it can take a very long time to get that person to have faith that they won’t be hurt in a similar way again. Sometimes it may feel like the easier route forward is to break up. Repairing trust is a tough thing to do, but it is doable if you are both willing to devote a lot of energy, and time, to the relationship.
You Have Different Lifestyles
One of you goes out every night of the week while the other stays at home. One of you makes a lot of money and loves to spend it; the other is a bit more frugal. Even though you enjoy one another’s company, it doesn’t mean you see eye-to-eye on the day-to-day. At first you may make compromises around how you spend your time, money, energy, etc but after a while those compromises wear away at one or both of you. If you have very different lifestyles it’s best to acknowledge it openly and discuss it regularly so you make sure both parties feel respected.
You’re Not the One
I hate to say it, but sometimes one person in a relationship wakes up with the realization that they are lying beside someone who, while great, is not the person they ought to be with. Just because the relationship is strong and you get along does not mean that you are the exact right person for your partner. I don’t subscribe to there being a one right person, but I do subscribe to recognizing when your lover is not the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. When that happens, it sucks, but it is better to know earlier in the relationship than to wake up years later, married, maybe even with kids, and have to start fresh at that point.
There will be someone out there who will love and cherish you, who thinks you’re the one, and with open communication and a willingness to meet discomfort together, you stand a strong chance of spending many happy years together. Hopefully Bey and Jay will find their way to doing the same.
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